In the grand Festivus tradition...

...it's time for the airing of grievances.

Everything hurts. I can't sleep because everything hurts and when I do get to sleep, I wake up four times a night to pee. I'm retaining so much water that I'm getting the equivalent of carpal tunnel in both elbows, so every time I bend my elbows for longer than a minute or so, my forearms go numb. The sciatica is awful - I don't think I've felt my right thigh since October, and I frequently feel like I'm being shanked in the right rear buttock. Not to be left out, my left side has decided to pull a muscle or something mid-back. And that's not even beginning to address the swelling in my ankles or my creaky ass knees. I thought about asking a stranger to carry me up the stairs in the subway today. And then I thought about just renting an apartment near a subway station that has an elevator.  I've gained 16 pounds and my doctor is totally going to yell at me.

I have a weird growth on my gumline that is apparently a "pregnancy tumor." When my belly isn't itching, the ligaments are complaining about all the stretching. Forget tying my shoes; I can barely put on my socks. My skin is dry everywhere except for my face, where it's so oily I keep expecting Halliburton to declare eminent domain on it. My husband forgot to bring home the Carvel ice cream cake I specifically requested and I cried.

Pro: my hair is growing quite rapidly. Con: it's all gray.

Recent panicked Google searches: "I can't feel my cervix" "broken water or pee" "fetus vibrating?"

Despite all of this, I know that I'm lucky as hell to be 26 weeks today with a beautiful, healthy, wiggly little guy. But I am 99% sure that he is going to be an only child.

24 weeks, 5 days

Pregnancy is amazing. I'm hungry all the time, but between the sciatica and the heartburn, I can never haul my widening ass out of the house long enough to purchase and consume all of the food I want to eat. Kind of perfect how it works out that way!