Counting days...

Today I'm five weeks and two days along. It's my first thought when I wake up in the morning: I've made it one more day. And then I rush into the bathroom, half-expecting to see blood every time. 

So far, so good though, and most of the time I feel completely serene and accepting and peaceful. This pregnancy just feels so different from the first one. I'm not really sure how, exactly, other than the fact that my every waking moment is not consumed with panic and terror like it was the first time around. This time, I know that worrying won't change anything, and anxiety can only rob me of the joy of being pregnant. But still, sometimes I catch myself googling things like "recurrent miscarriage statistics" and "miscarriage stats by week" and I really have to check myself. 

The first ultrasound isn't until eight weeks this time around. It's only nineteen days away, but it kind of feels like forever. I thought about calling back and begging to come in earlier, but something is holding me back. I want to really try to practice being patient this time. I'd really like to just trust my intuition that all is well.